Lately I have begun to realize that in the next few months my life is about to change drastically...and I'm having a ton of emotions because of it. I've fallen into the comfortable routine of going to work all day, then coming home and practicing. Not that I particularly like that routine...there's just a certain comfort level that comes with it (I'm my father's daughter, that's for sure - and he is definitely a creature of habit.)
I am feeling excited and happy about what is to come, because I will finally be getting to do what I love, which is playing clarinet full time. I am also hoping I will have more time to teach, which is also something I love to do. I miss being able to commit to music full time and fully flex my creative muscles, which has made the last two years (almost...!) really tough to get through.
But at the same time, I am feeling some sadness. The other night, I was laying down to go to sleep and I thought about how hard it is going to be to say good bye to Ben. I imagined how it I would feel when the moment comes and I got completely washed up in a sadness that I haven't felt for a long time. Even writing this I'm getting choked up about it. I truly realized at that moment how much I have become dependent on him to be there by my side and I think I'm a little scared that I will have to go through the first part of this journey completely on my own! Every time I think about it, I feel a tug (or more like, a yank) on my heart. It sucks.
I am also a little (but only a little!) sad about leaving Rochester. I have spent the last 3.5 years here, and it has become part of my identity whether I like it or not. Its the place that Ben and I officially first lived together and the first few years of our marriage was spent here, and we've really come into our own as a couple here. I also love our neighborhood (but maybe not our house so much), Oakland Street is definitely the cutest street in Rochester! I don't think we'll ever live in another place like it. I will also miss Wegmans. I know, I know, how silly that I like a grocery store chain this much. But I do! LOL. Visit one and you will agree.
I will also miss the people that I have met here, including all the people that I work with and that Ben works with. The chance that Ben and I will come back to Rochester in the near future is pretty slim, considering we have no family ties to the area, so it makes saying goodbye to everyone even more difficult. I'm sure we'll be back someday...but whether it is 1 year or 10 years, I don't know.
I am also sad to leave my clarinet students. Especially one, whom I've taught for almost two years now. As many teachers will probably agree, there's no avoiding becoming attached to your students! I have established a great relationship with my other student (the one that I just began teaching, with the German clarinet) and I feel I have so much more to teach her and not enough time. I wish I could see her progress and meet her goals, but I know that won't be possible in the time we have left together. My only hope is that I can get her to a teacher that will help her fulfill them!
With all that said, I am ready to leave this damn town. The list of things I will miss about Rochester is very short compared with things I will NOT miss, such as the weather, the crime, the poor quality of the local radio/TV, bad commercials, etc. It is funny, while I was a student at Eastman, Ben used to complain about how crappy this town is constantly...and I just didn't think it was that bad. I soon realized that it was because I was in the "Eastman bubble" - after I graduated and started working at the hospital, I started to see how unhappy I am living and how much I miss Colorado. Eastman was so awesome that I was blind to see what was truly around me!
Granted, I will not live in Colorado again for a very long time, if ever. But if Ben and I have learned anything about living on the east coast, its that we are true "westerners" and we will be happiest living west of the Mississippi. Hopefully, the Navy will let us do that!
Its almost overwhelming...I'm feeling so many different emotions about this new chapter in my life. But I know I am strong and I will get through it! And I have to remember that although changes may be hard, but in the end, there's nothing better.
...55 days left!
March 28, 2011
March 22, 2011
Great article on practice habits
This is a great article about what attributes a great musician has when they practice from The Musician's Way Blog.
http://musiciansway.com/blog/?p=4586
What I love about this article is the lists of "deep learner" attributes vs. the "shallow learner" attributes. Mr. Klickstien nails it on the head for me, and explains it better than I ever could. But I was thinking that it might be beneficial to abbreviate each list so that they can be posted on a music stand while a student practices (as it is right now, its a bit too wordy for that purpose). Maybe something like a "practice do's and don't's" list:
In other news...exactly 9 weeks from yesterday until I leave! Its getting so close that now I'm having some anxiety about it. I get the butterflies in my stomach every time I think about it. Can't tell if its excitement or nervousness...or both. Probably both. I can't believe its almost here!
http://musiciansway.com/blog/?p=4586
What I love about this article is the lists of "deep learner" attributes vs. the "shallow learner" attributes. Mr. Klickstien nails it on the head for me, and explains it better than I ever could. But I was thinking that it might be beneficial to abbreviate each list so that they can be posted on a music stand while a student practices (as it is right now, its a bit too wordy for that purpose). Maybe something like a "practice do's and don't's" list:
This is what I came up with:
Do:
- Set goals
- Isolate problems
- Be aware
- Pay attention to repetition
- Listen to yourself
- Strive for consistent excellence
- Relax and channel anxiety in a positive way
Don't:
- Practice without a purpose
- "Play" through music
- Get distracted
- Repeat sections ad nauseum
- Listen inconsistently or poorly
- Let things slide
- Let performance give you negative anxiety
I know I have been a culprit of one or two things on the "don't" list recently, and the last one is especially hard. If you read my last post, I wish I had this list when I was in my undergrad program. Looking back, I was hitting more of the "don'ts" than I was the "dos"! But I honestly didn't know any better. Makes me sad, because I feel like I lost a lot back then because I didn't have the proper guidance. This is why I try to instill good practice habits in my younger students. They may hate it now, but I know they will thank me for it later in life!
March 17, 2011
Technique: its mental, too.
Lately I have been thinking: what makes a virtuoso player, well, virtuoso? Talent? Hard work? Natural physical ability? Crazy fingers? This question is always on my mind, because technique is something that I have struggled with for nearly my entire musical career.. While I was at Eastman, I often felt like I had to work significantly harder on it than my peers. Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure this is because I didn't have a strong technical foundation when I was younger - I took only about a year of lessons in high school, and even then I barely practiced. Actually, I was the student that I hate having now - always coming to my lessons not prepared. But I definitely had a natural ability over most of the other kids in band because I was at the top of the pack, while putting in minimal effort (albeit it was a rather mediocre pack, LOL!).
That all changed when I got to college - all of the sudden I was thrown into weekly lessons where I was actually accountable for my preparedness (grades). So I finally practiced on a consistent level! While I was doing my masters degree at Eastman I was absolutely amazed with the work ethic of some of the freshman kids. I was definitely not like that when I was a freshman (I believe I even ditched a lesson or two...) Anyways, fast forward a couple years - I became involved in an orchestra that is no longer in existence. But I ended up playing with some really good players...really good players, and I truly realized how out of my league I was. If I was to make this a career, I had a very long way to go. I actually had a slight identity crisis...I even considered changing majors. Good thing I didn't.
I didn't truly get into major technical practicing (scales, scalebooks, etc.) until I started lessons with Abby. I took lessons with her over the summer in 2005 to get ready for my senior recital in the fall (Dr. Lawson didn't teach over the summer). At my first lesson, she told me to get the Baermann Volume 3. We ended up working on that plus Rose 32 for the majority of the summer! I immediately felt the impact of working through these books. I had done Rose 32 for years, but not the way I did with her! From that summer forward, I realized the how important scales and technical exercises were...and I have done them on a daily basis since.
Anyway, fast forward (again)5 almost 6 years (!!) to now. I still feel like technique is a struggle even though I've done a milliondy different scales/exercises on a daily basis. I have been thinking...is there more here that just physical finger technique? Hmmm...my thoughts went to my teaching - one of my students has issues reading music while she plays. Its not about recognizing notes/rhythms, its about paying attention to what's on the page. When she focuses and reads the music and looks ahead to what's coming she can play almost anything. She surprises me (and herself!) often. The problem is that she hardly ever is 100% focused. Its only when I remind her to look ahead that she actually plays accurately. It doesn't make a difference if it is something she is familiar with or something we are sight-reading. Our most recent lesson, I discovered that she also mentally sabotaging herself - I asked her to try to play a piece we were working on at a tempo well beyond where she had practiced. She looked at me and said "I can't do it that fast!" I told her to forget about what she thinks she can/can't do and just play it (not try - just do). I told her to keep looking ahead and play it like she's seeing it for the first time. Guess what - she played it near perfectly at a tempo much beyond what she thought she could do. Driving home that day, I realized I need to take my own advice! I often don't look ahead while reading music (which may be why I'm not as good at sight reading as I'd like to be), and I also often mentally defeat myself before a technical passage. I need to ask myself to do the same that I'm asking my student - to let go. Ding! Light bulb!
In light of this new revelation (and since I have nothing else to practice!), I have been working on a lot out of the Didier Scale book (volume 1) I got this book a few years ago at the request of a teacher that I took Eb lessons with and we never used it (which annoyed me a little, the book cost $50 and was pretty hard to find!). Basically, it goes through all the keys in different patterns such as scales in 3rds, 4ths, 5ths, 6ths, 7ths, and octaves. It also has V7 chords and vii7 in each key. Also some crazy arpeggiations of the tonic (or as my sister would say, crasy). Needless to say, its very challenging to play and to read - especially when the leaps are more than a 5th!. I do one key per day, playing through them at eighth note = 80, and then again at quarter note = 80. I use the faster tempo to practice "reading ahead". I try to aim for perfection through the practice of reading the music, not by sheer repetition. I am also keeping things fun by doing Rose etudes, a slow one for musicality and endurance, and a fast one pushing the speed to uncomfortable level and trying to read ahead better. So far, I think it is helping.
Till next time...
and oh yeah, 66 days left!
That all changed when I got to college - all of the sudden I was thrown into weekly lessons where I was actually accountable for my preparedness (grades). So I finally practiced on a consistent level! While I was doing my masters degree at Eastman I was absolutely amazed with the work ethic of some of the freshman kids. I was definitely not like that when I was a freshman (I believe I even ditched a lesson or two...) Anyways, fast forward a couple years - I became involved in an orchestra that is no longer in existence. But I ended up playing with some really good players...really good players, and I truly realized how out of my league I was. If I was to make this a career, I had a very long way to go. I actually had a slight identity crisis...I even considered changing majors. Good thing I didn't.
I didn't truly get into major technical practicing (scales, scalebooks, etc.) until I started lessons with Abby. I took lessons with her over the summer in 2005 to get ready for my senior recital in the fall (Dr. Lawson didn't teach over the summer). At my first lesson, she told me to get the Baermann Volume 3. We ended up working on that plus Rose 32 for the majority of the summer! I immediately felt the impact of working through these books. I had done Rose 32 for years, but not the way I did with her! From that summer forward, I realized the how important scales and technical exercises were...and I have done them on a daily basis since.
Anyway, fast forward (again)
In light of this new revelation (and since I have nothing else to practice!), I have been working on a lot out of the Didier Scale book (volume 1) I got this book a few years ago at the request of a teacher that I took Eb lessons with and we never used it (which annoyed me a little, the book cost $50 and was pretty hard to find!). Basically, it goes through all the keys in different patterns such as scales in 3rds, 4ths, 5ths, 6ths, 7ths, and octaves. It also has V7 chords and vii7 in each key. Also some crazy arpeggiations of the tonic (or as my sister would say, crasy). Needless to say, its very challenging to play and to read - especially when the leaps are more than a 5th!. I do one key per day, playing through them at eighth note = 80, and then again at quarter note = 80. I use the faster tempo to practice "reading ahead". I try to aim for perfection through the practice of reading the music, not by sheer repetition. I am also keeping things fun by doing Rose etudes, a slow one for musicality and endurance, and a fast one pushing the speed to uncomfortable level and trying to read ahead better. So far, I think it is helping.
Till next time...
and oh yeah, 66 days left!
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